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5 Things Your Mother Didn’t Tell You About Getting Older

November 26, 2018 By Laura

Mothers are a wealth of information.  As a woman, I’m not sure I’d be a fully-functioning adult without my mom’s guidance.

Mom schooled me on how to sneak overflowing shopping bags past my dad.  She showed me how to make a charcuterie board and a perfect pan of brownies.  I learned how to put on makeup, to look under the car before getting too close late at night, and to never show up empty-handed.

She made sure I understood that it’s important to stand up for yourself.  Hell, she even taught me to put in a tampon (I’m still scarred for life from that one, btw).

My mom taught me a lot, but she left a few key things out. She never really told me what it’s like getting older.

young me vs. me now

You know when something smells like rotten eggs and you shove it in someone’s face saying, “This is disgusting!”  It’s just mean!  Which is why I can’t blame her for sparing me the stinky part of getting older.

Me?  I’m not quite so gentle.  I’m sharing these little-known tidbits about lessons to you under-30 ladies.  Consider it a public service… just in case your mom tried to spare you the nose-crinkling reality, too.

10 Things Your Mother Didn’t Tell You About Getting Older… 

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Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: adulting, feminism, funny

Get off Your Ass and Vote on November 6th

November 5, 2018 By Laura

The 5-day weather forecast is predicting rain on Tuesday in Atlanta.  I said to Vegas “I can’t believe it’s going to rain on Election Day.  It’s going to hurt the turnout!  At least it won’t be too cold.”

Think about it.  The WEATHER could negatively impact voter turnout.  A little rain – in a state where the Governer’s race is tied – might deter people from coming out to vote.  That’s ridiculous.

Stacey Abrams and Oprah in GA

Georgia Democratic gubernatorial candidate Stacey Abrams, left, with Oprah Winfrey — the biggest celebrity to barnstorm the state during a much-watched campaign — at a rally in Marietta on Thursday. (Alyssa Pointer/Atlanta Journal-Constitution/AP)

“When you sit at home, and your friends sit at home and don’t go out to vote, you DISRESPECT YOUR ELDERS.” – Oprah

… 

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Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: blue wave, feminism

The Wrong Equipment

October 8, 2018 By Laura

What did you want to be when you grew up? At 8 years old, I wanted to play for the Atlanta Braves.  When I told my dad about my career goal, he laughed and said, “you have the wrong equipment.”

There are a lot of reasons why I would never make it to the majors.  I’m not particularly gifted athletically being reason #1.  My dad chose to call out my gender.  This is especially odd because he had 3 daughters.  I was never told I couldn’t do something academically.  In fact, he often pushed me harder than I wanted to be pushed to do well in school (thankfully).  But, there were some things I just wasn’t able to do because I was a girl.

Being a girl shouldn’t be disqualifying.  One day, there will be a little girl that grows up and makes it to the professional baseball mainstage.  There have already been a few to come close.

16-year-old French shortstop prospect Melissa Mayeux takes part in the 2015 European Elite Camp.https://t.co/52OK2Z3jm4

— MLB (@MLB) August 4, 2015

Actually, in 1922 there was one – Lizzy Murphy.  She played first base for 17 years.  Lizzy’s career batting average is .300.  (That’s a great average. For comparison, Chipper Jones’ career average is .303.)

My dad wasn’t a bad man.  He was a great man.  He was also a product of society.  I would love to hear a story about a time when a man was told he couldn’t do something because he had “the wrong equipment.”

Athletic ability aside, women also cannot “get away” with the behavior that men can.  If Hillary Clinton, for example, had broken down as Brett Kavanaugh did during her hearings… can you imagine what people would have said?  I can.  Women are too emotional for public office.  She’s an angry woman.  She’s shrill.  She doesn’t have the stamina, the poise… the list could go on and on.

Or what about her appearance?  I saw a comment on a Facebook post about Justice Ginsberg the other day where someone commented: “she’s so ugly.”  The commenter WAS A WOMAN!!!  Do you think anyone has ever discussed how Kavanaugh’s expression looks like he just had Trump’s mushroom dick in his mouth?  NO.

Supreme Court nominee Judge Brett Kavanaugh gives his opening statement before the Senate Judiciary Committee, Thursday, Sept. 27, 2018, on Capitol Hill in Washington. (Saul Loeb/Pool Image via AP)

That’s because the appearance of men isn’t a qualifier.  Their demeanor doesn’t matter.  Their past behavior isn’t a consideration.  Which would be fine… if the same rules applied to everyone.  (And if he hadn’t perjured himself, but that’s another post.)

Before you protest, think about the comments you’ve made about men and women in your life.  Where a woman is a slut, a man is a pimp.  A woman is a bitch; a man is aggressive.  A woman is loud; a man is proud.  A woman is pushy; a man is a “go-getter.”  I could go on for days.

The unequal playing field is SO pronounced that Trump actually declared it’s “a scary time for young men in America.”

Riiiiiight.

Rather than go on about how ridiculous that is, I’d encourage you to listen to this song by Lynzy Lab Stewart titled “A Scary Time.”

To the men who really think this is a “scary time” – fuck off.  Seriously.  Walk down the street tomorrow and appreciate the fact that you do so without having to look over your shoulder.  Have a drink at a bar without taking extra care not to leave it unattended.  Look at the vast majority of people in leadership positions in this world, and appreciate that they have the right “equipment” … just like you.

The next time you think a woman doesn’t have a right to be wherever you are, consider your reasoning.  Does she lack the skill, or does she just lack the “equipment” for the role?

[Tweet “Does she lack the skill or does she lack the “equipment” for the role? #equality #feminist”]

***

Before I get hater-ade dumped all over me, let me be clear.  I like men.  Some of my favorite people possess eggplant-esque equipment.  Don’t call me a man-hating lesbian.  I’m a patriarchy-hating lesbian.  Get it right.

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: feminism, STFU, vote

THIS IS A BIG DEAL #whyimarch

January 24, 2017 By Laura

I just need everyone to stop for a second.

Because I think I may scream. 

The reality is that I haven’t stopped screaming in my head since Friday.  Yeah, yeah… this isn’t a political blog.  But THIS IS A BIG DEAL.

This is why we march.

… 

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Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: 2016 Election, feminism

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