Why are we so judge-y?
Seems to be a theme lately.
Anytime you go against what people view as “normal” you’re going to get remarks. I have no problem with that. I actually welcome them because it opens the door for a conversation. And I’ve always been a little different. #strangebutgood
Story number one.
I ran into a friend this weekend who wouldn’t quit when I explained that I couldn’t join them for burgers and drinks 3 weeks out from a competition. (Granted, she ad been drinking and we all know that when you’ve been drinking you can’t understand why everyone doesn’t want to join that party. I’m sure I’ve been guilty of this.)
She kept on and said something along the lines of “How long are you going to do this? It can’t be fun. I’d be miserable.” Something clicked in me and I told her I choose NOT to go eat burger because I am in a good place. I am focused and happy. In fact, I’m happier than I’ve ever been. She paused and said ‘I can’t argue with that!” And let it go.
Story number two.
I was in the gym locker room in my office building yesterday and a lady complimented me on my workout. She called me a beast AND said she liked my hair. I was totally flattered and thanked her… but then she said something that really struck me.
She said “No homo.” I asked her to repeat herself and she explained “I’m not gay or anything.” Okay…
I went to Pride this weekend in Atlanta. I had a blast. I have no problem with who you want to screw/marry/raise kids with. If you compliment me, I’m going to be appreciative and feel good about it. I’m not going to assume you’re trying to get in my pants (although it’s been a while, so if you are trying let me know 😉 ).
I appreciate the compliment, but I’m sad that women feel the need to qualify compliment – giving and receiving. I’m guilty too!
Lately it seems there have been more unnecessary remarks than usual. Lindsay wrote a great post last week asking why it’s so hard to compliment women. I replied to her, realizing I am guilty. It dawned on me that I have an easier time accepting compliments from men than from women too. My chiro said I had good arm muscle and I said “I know.” A lady in the elevator complimented my hair and I said “Oh no! I need a cut! It’s bushy. But thank you so much for being kind!” WTF?!
My point is… I think there’s a lot of judging lately. People bitching about the pregnant bodybuilder lifting weights. The article about a super fit mom I posted last night. The stories I relayed today. I believe it comes from insecurity about ourselves. Lacking confidence.
No matter who you are and what you do, there’s going to be someone with an opinion. Their opinion doesn’t matter. Know what matters to YOU, who YOU are, and why you live your passion. Be confident in those things.
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This is WIAW I am 3 weeks from my next competition! No big diet changes yet… but next week… well, let’s just say food prep will get easier with limited options. Hello, stinky asparagus pee.
Read on for my eats, and then check out Jenn’s blog for everyone else delicious creations!.
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Breakfast:
Typical start to the day I had my Aminos and ACV morning cocktail.
My breakfast was one that I never wanted to end. I scrambled egg whites with turkey, pre-roasted kabocha, and blackberries mashed into pico de gallo. Then I threw it into an almost empty no salt cottage cheese container for my ride to work.
Mid-Morning Snack:
I discovered the gym in my office building. It’s made my life 100x better. As such, I’ve begun bringing my post workout smoothie to work. Today I had a Strawberry-Lime-Jalapeno Smoothie.*
*I had a killer workout and was too hungry to bother with a pic. Pretend this is it. It all looks the same after I add the spinach.
Lunch:
Turbot with cucumber and a delicious new recipe. I made Janet’s Tamarind Roasted Eggplant and Chickpeas. Just a few tweaks, but it was absolutely delicious!
My modifications:
- Replaced the coconut oil with 1/2 T of olive oil
- Added ~ 1/4 tsp cinnamon
- Reduced tamarind paste to 1T (the flavor is too strong to me)
- To save time, I cubed the eggplant before roasting (only took ~15 mins; I prepped the rest of this dish while I was waiting)
- Added chickpeas directly to the post without pre-heating or mashing
Mid-Afternoon Snack:
I have a little yellowtail sashimi (SO good) and a little turbot… so this became a “I only have bits of things left” meal. With sweet potato, snow peas, and chipotle hummus.
Does anyone else snack on raw snow peas? They are so sweet it’s almost like dessert. Not really – dessert is scared. But they are really good and make a refreshing end to a meal.
Dinner:
Dinner was an experiment gone right. I baked tempeh with my Thai Peanut Sauce. It was delicious with red pepper and kale chips.
Dessert:
Giant bowl of Zucchini Bread Protein Batter made with Greek yogurt as the base. Topped with balls of Quest. These balls were made from the new double chocolate chunk bar, rolled up and baked (I still like the cookie dough best). Also topped with blackberries, popcorn, and almonds
Rock out with your carbs out.
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“Wearing a mask wears you out. Faking it is fatiguing. The most exhausting activity is pretending to be what you know you aren’t.” ~Rick Warren
Do you struggle with compliments? Does it differ depending on who is delivering the compliment?
Have you seen more judging lately? How do you handle pressure from others?
Love the poem. As a high school coach, I truly appreciate the “different” ones, though those are the ones I worry about because of the cruelty that can be thrown their way.
I loved Lindsay’s post too. At is is true, unfortunately. Another thing that women do that drives me crazy is apologize for everything. Did I say that drive’s me crazy?
That drives me insane too!!! I need to do a post on that. #sorryimnotsorry
I too loved the poem. People can be very judgmental which is often a sign of their own insecurities. It sounds like you have a strong belief in yourself and what you are doing which is what is important!
Love the sounds of that spicy Strawberry Lime Jalepeno Smoothie. That would be sure to wake up the taste buds!
I totally agree with you. We need to step up the confidence!
Confession- the reason why I constantly think up #strangebutgood recipes is my subconcious way of hitting on you…is it working?
Love the poem at the start- being bullied all throughout school, it really resonates with me.
As for the meals- amazing. Love sugar snap peas raw! definitely better than cooked!
LMAO! I was hoping you’d say that. 😉
I love that poem. And I so agree with you on the compliments. For some reason it’s hard for a lot of people to accept them. And to be honest, I’m one of them. When someone compliments me, I get embarrassed or start saying oh no, it’s just a good hair day…or you know something along those lines.
It’s definitely something I’m trying to work through though.
I loved your words to be confident in who you are and your passions in life, it’s so important!
On the foodie note, your eats still look mighty tasty!
I want some zucchini bread protein batter!
Lisa… you are having a good hair LIFE!
Great post girly!:) I can’t take compliments from women like a normal person either, probably because I grew up with most if them talking bad about me and my looks. Now, I’ve learned to take bad remarks less seriously, but I’m still awful at the good ones. Even if I don’t say it out loud, my brain is making excuses. We need to quit being judged of ourselves and let’s just do our own thing!:) Great post
Love this post! I actually take compliments really well. I always just say thank you – a implement always brightens my day. I think what I’m bad at is giving compliments which might be worse. I’m always thinking them, but don’t often deliver them, especially to someone I know.
Good for you!!! Taking is harder than giving for me. I’ve started looking intentionally for something to compliment my elevator mates at work on.
Very nice post Laura! I’m still a little shocked by the woman’s comment in the locker room. Why would you feel the need to follow up with that?
Did you see she commented below and apologized?! She’s actually a really nice person… and I’m blown away that she replied. 🙂
AMEN!
I don’t think I’ve seen more judging lately, I think there is always just in general A LOT of judging around and when you start to focus on it you really notice how bad it can be. In saying that the locker room comment, WTF was that?!?!?
It is so true about women complimenting each other and not being able to just say thanks, feeling the need to down play it or fob it off.
Good point… maybe I’m more sensitive right now leading into a competition. I really just need a glass of wine. 😉
I love these stories. And I SO agree that we should be ourselves no matter how it will be judged from society. It’s scary that I was such a self confident kid, who loved herself and then lost my self esteem almost completely in teenage years. It took me more that 18 years to gain it back and I lived for the opinions of others. It’s so not worth it. I LOVE to make compliments ( I do it to strangers a lot) and I am good in receiving them – meanwhile. Thanks for a great reminder!
That’s so inspiring to hear, Lucie. I’m working on the receiving!
Judgement usually starts with a core emotion of FEAR! If we could all be less fearful and accepting of who people are we would all be better for it! Keep up the hard work….the payoff IS worth every bit!!!
I 100% agree. Fear —> lack of confidence.
I’m digging this post, probably because I could feel how strongly these topics resonate with you with each and every word. People are judgmental and it does seem higher than usual lately, even in our HLB world. I’ve noticed a lot of people no longer actually share a true legit WIAW because they don’t want to be judged or they don’t want to trigger someone. I figured screw that and for the first time in a hot minute, I shared a full day of food. If you don’t like it; don’t read it and don’t eat it. Plus, I’m pretty sure if I trigger anyone, it’d be into a vat of cheese. Grass fed mind you, but cheese nonetheless.
I love raw snow peas, and I make it a point to compliment women all the time, although I always have trouble accepting them in return. Usually because I’m my own worst critic.
On a totally unrelated note, my new gym opens tomorrow and I’m itching to get in and by itching, I mean I might tackled anyone who gets in my way. I figured you’d understand.
The WIAW thing pisses me off too. Everyone seems so so worried about what others will think. Post your damn food if you want to share it!
Now I want cheese. And a new gym. Biyatch.
i was just thinking i wanted to write a post about “permission to be you.” And bam, here it is! I love it and love you!
I always say thank you. Even if I don’t yet believe it myself, I will take it back home and see (find) truth within it 🙂
really interesting post, laura! in my classroom we give compliments during our class meetings.. i always stress “say thank you!” trying to get them in the habit young!!
I am really bad at accepting compliments. I always feel the need to explain myself – the way you did in story #2. Why do we do that!?
I read a quote the other day about true beauty is when you are unapologetically you (something like that). I really admire people who are who they are and live life on their terms. They are never unkind or nasty, but they do what makes sense to them. I’m trying to get there…hopefully sooner than later!
I love that concept – unapologetically you. 🙂
The main thing I love about getting older is the fact that I’ve become so much more comfortable in who I am. When people talk about wishing to go back to their younger years, I can’t help but shudder and think “back to those years when I was an insecure mess?!?” Noooo thank you. Here’s to kids who are different for sure… they’re the ones that make life more interesting 😀
Totally agree! I turned 30 this year and it has been the best yet!
man, the kid who is different is my nephew and it makes my heart hurt.
I can’t say I’ve seen it lately but I also live in a 3yo world. I do get nervous about all that’s going to happen at school that is out of my control (for her). Love that poem- and your point. It’s a message that needs to be spread.
I think having good parents goes a long way… I’m sure L will be a strong, independent woman!
I love that poem! Considering that I was the kid in high school with black hair, combat boots, chains and fishnets, it really resonates with me.
And as for what the woman in the locker room said…wow. Why would anyone need to follow a compliment with something like that? Somehow, I don’t think a compliment instantly causes someone to assume that they’re hitting on them…
I would have loved you in high school. 🙂
Read the last comment on this post… she came to my blog and apologized! Such a cool woman.
Thank you for this reminder! For the record I think you are amazing and incredibly inspirational. We could all learn a thing or two from you!
Wow… thank you so, so much Davida. It means a lot – I admire you too!
Love this post! Yes, I do struggle with compliments sometimes and I never thought about it, but yes, from women I try to play it down. Men I’ll just accept it. Especially if it’s something to do with my arms LOL. I’m glad your friend finally got what you were saying and moved on rather than harping on it. I get people who like to harp on me for things. Like running. Why did you run today? You ran yesterday. Why on earth get up and run 10 miles, that’s stupid. Um? I am not openly dissing your coach potato lifestyle am I so don’t diss me.
I’ve just seen so much negativity lately. Social media and technology allows that so easily though. You’re not face-to-face. It’s so much easier to type a negative comment, post, rant, whatever, when you’re hiding behind a screen.
I hate when people do that! Don’t be judging just because you wish you were doing the same. 😉
LOVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have been writing about the trolls & other stuff out there in social media & what you wrote is all part of this .. and then the story – another story – of a girl taking her life due to bullying!
I am not gay but I was different as a kid – fat, Jewish where there were no Jews, not “pretty” & more… it was tough for me – I admit many of my issues & insecurities stem from that.
Your message is so loud & clear Laura – love it!!!! I wish people could be more accepting! Not to get all political but the crazies out there now because they do not like our President has, IMHO, made things worse… this needs to stop!
On to passion! I was dead tired this morn! Dug so deep to just not leave the gym.. a guy asked me how I do it – I said it is mental & just me… digging deep.
YES to being you!
I just read your post today – AMEN is all I have to say. I love the good vibes we are feeling from our little community.
Lindsay’s post was dead on and so true and YES I too am guilty of accepting a compliment and sometimes even judging, but I have gotten better with this as I have gotten more confident and comfortable in my own skin. There are a lot of weird people out there, who want to bring those down who have dreams, passions, and goals to make themselves better. Rock on woman!
Agreed – funny ho much that changes with age. I wish I could go back and talk to my 15 year old self!
Wow thank you so much for this post. Ever since I have moved here I have been attacked on my blog and by people’s opinions, I even had one girl write me and tell me that if I wanted to have a baby I should stop working out and stop showing off my 10 year old body saying I am healthy to everyone and that I give fitness a bad name and this was someone I had just right out met. I agree, we can all have an opinion but lately I have been feeling the heat from people and there opinions I mean what happened to if you don’t have something nice to say don’t say it at all or find another way to say it. I again love to hear other peoples opinions and we all have thoughts sometimes not nice but just mutilating someones message, passion and lifestyle is so wrong! Laura, you rock, you inspire us and you make kick ass recipes! I can’t wait to see your comp photos and all I have to say is if you can take the heat you can accomplish anything because the only persons thoughts who matters is your own! Rock on SISTA!
Thank YOU! I admire how strong you are. You have to live your passion, no matter what others say. You embody that!
I am the worst about taking compliments. After Lindsay’s post, I’ve really been thinking about it. I feel like we have a hard time seeing what others’ see. Especially with the constant distorted view of what is good and bad. I am definitely trying to be more open and say thank you when compliments are given.
You should!!! You are an amazing person, Sarena!
Love this post Laura. I have always been the different one. Honestly, I prefer it that way. I get judged on it regularly, but you know what? WHO CARES. I am not living anyone else’s life and they aren’t living mine. As long as I am happy and healthy I say I’ll do whatever the f*ck I want! haha
Taking compliments is always a hard thing for women, which I think comes from society really. We are taught that we have to be super duper perfect. Even when maybe the less perfect version of us is even better. It is hard to say Thank you when given a compliment, but as I get older I am more open to compliments. I think that comes with being confident in yourself. 🙂
Great nommies for WIAW
This is one of the (many) reasons I love you. Fuck yeah, you can say what you want. 🙂
I have always been too confident for my own good (and I don’t really mean “too” – because I would not change a thing). I saw that photo (fit mom / excuse) a few times, and can see both sides. My initial thought was a “good for her!” kinda thing, and the “haters” just need to relax – if it’s not for them, it’s not for them. Then I started thinking about being a mom (I have ZERO CLUE what that would be like with three kids – or one – I have two dachshunds and that is a lot sometimes, no joke). I also started thinking about MY schedule, and the sheer amount of overwhelm I HAVE right now. I do get my “me” time nearly every day, and am able to go to the gym or for a run… but that’s my priority. …and now I am rambling. It is very interesting to see the different points of view on that photo, and what those views are based on.
The kids who are different… many of those kids I grew up with? are the people who are making a difference today – all kinds of amazing things are being achieved!
…and OH MY – that “this is where I started being fabulous” cartoon??? I LOVE IT. My first thought was “I have so many friends to share this with” – but… most of them have a high level of confidence too.
For all the different kids – I wish for them that kind of confidence to keep going.
That exactly where I went that that photo – I make a HUGE effort to do what I do now and I don’t even have a dog. Good for her for making time for herself what what’s important to her. I bet it makes her happier, which makes her a better mamma.
I definitely find it difficult to accept compliments..I always feel really awkward/uncomfortable. I have no idea why though!
I didn’t really realise how different I was until a few years back, now I kind of realise I’m not really like the majority of people – the only difference now is that I don’t really care. I’ve spent a lot of time trying to conform and now I just want to do stuff that makes me happy – its my life after all! Why be a sheep!?
I agree that people seem to be judging a lot recently; I definitely think it stems from insecurity in themselves, I think the negative things you pick out in other people are really what you want/see in yourself.
Anyway, on a lighter note – all your food looks delicious!
I love that “why be a sheep?” Spot on. It’s too much wasted effort to try to conform. Authentic people are more interesting any way. 🙂
All I have to say is HOLY CRAP you look amazing!!
The thing with judging is that EVERYONE does it – so it’s hard to address it without looking like a huge hypocrite.
Some times people just cannot handle differing opinions and won’t take the time to at least try and see the topic from another point of view. I tend to ruffle feathers because I don’t have a problem giving my opinion even if it’s not “popular” so I try to be as concise as possible. I think a lot of people are afraid to disagree with others and then it kinda builds up and doesn’t always come out the way they intended.
PS I was pretty confident in high school and had lots of friends in the rainbow club and because of that a lot of people thought I swung that way as well – it did not bother me but it did bother me when my friends were picked on. You better believe I had something to say about that.
Good point. I was trying to be conscious about that as I wrote this I KNOW I’m guilty too. But…. I’m working on it! And I’m focusing on giving compliments more than complaints. 🙂
Amen to all of this! We are all different and that’s what makes us great. I know that’s nothing revolutionary but it needed to be said anyway. 🙂
I can’t wait to see you next month! And I will try to get in your pants. 😉
I’ll be offended if you don’t. 😉
Yay for this post. “No homo.” I would never say that, or “no hetero” for that matter. I see no problem with giving compliments to both men and women, but I guess I’m not always the best at receiving them–but I’ve gotten better.
I think the most pressure put on me, comes from me, so I’ve also worked on that. I also choose to surround myself with supportive uplifting people as much as possible. And I have a lot less f**ks to give than I used to. ;D
I do see more judging on social media, which I believe has a lot to do with the anonymity and protection people find from the computer screen. I like to believe that the negative things people say have more to do with them than with you.
I 100% agree with all of this. I tend to put more pressure on myself too. I guess that’s not so bad… like knowing the potential we have!
Every time you get a compliment, I get one too. It’s much easier for me to accept the ones that are happening to my clients than the ones directed towards me. I always teach my competitors to accept compliments with a thank you. We all need to learn to not be so hard on ourselves and to see ourselves through other peoples eyes sometimes. Beauty is definitely in the eye of the beholder.
You’ve definitely helped my ego grow even larger. 😉 You’re the best!! And you’re right.
I’ve caught myself doing that with complements again recently – saying “thank you, but…” Good reminder, why is taking a complement so hard? And weird people rock. Thanks goodness, since my hubby & all my friends are weird. Although I’m completely normal. 😉
You’re normal?! Thanks for the laugh. 😉
P.S. I’ll say it again… totally blown away by you!
I love this message. I agree–why are we so freaking judgey?! But I used to be like that….and it DID come from insecurity and a place of comparison with anyone & anything. Now that I’m in a MUCH happier & healthier place, I could care less how others’ compare to me/my workouts/my hair/my body/my food, etc. It’s a great place to be!
Good for you! I so wish I could go back and smack me younger self…
People who judge others are very insecure with themselves!!! It’s completely obvious is EVERY ONE of your stories!!!!!!!!! I don’t give a HOOT-IN-ANANYY what people think of me, they can suck it. If they don’t like me, that’s their problem, NOT MINE because I don’t change for ANYONE except myself….. And sometimes I don’t even change for myself. LOL!!!! You keep doing what you’re doing. You’re my fu**in’ idol! And your legs are as solid as a sexy horses, I WANT THEM! lol. 😉
GiGi, you ALWAYS make me smile. The idolization is mutual. We need to shoot a tribute video. With legs.
Why are some people so rude?! Someone was talkin very negatively about a gay man who had come into our office, it made me so mad! Girls should be able to compliment others without feeling strange, although I’m guilty of feeling awkward both giving and receiving complements. As for your food, it all looks wonderful!
‘No homo’?! What a crazy caveat! I think you got it 100% right with how it all boils down to insecurities. I’m sure we could get all psychoanalytical and talk about the ego etc… I had a chat with some friends about it the other day and realised how far we’d come with our own insecurities (I suck at taking compliments too).
I guess there’s a point when we’re kids and it we start giving a sh*t about what people think… But I do remember a time I wasn’t bashful about compliments, and was more than happy to tell a girl she had pretty hair without fearing for my sexuality! Time to return to the days of pre-school methinks 😉
Pre-school was awesome. Silly puberty.
I seriously cried the first time I ever read that poem at least a year ago. Thank you for reminding me of it again. I love the message behind each and every line. While I wasn’t necessarily a kid who was made fun of growing up, I always feel like the odd one out. Definitely a “kid who is different.” I’m so thankful for the friends that I have, but sometimes I really do wonder what they see in me…
Which, as you point out, is not a good thought. Just like not being able to accept a compliment is not good. I’m horrible with both of these! I always try to turn it around and make the other person feel better. Why? Probably because I feel undeserving first and foremost. And second, I always have this crazy thought in my head that one day the person will “see through me” and regret their compliment, realizing that they were wrong. Ya… Not good, not good at all.
Oh, and as for your second question… Yes- there is definitely a lot of judging going around and I don’t like it one bit. People are so hypocritical (myself included) and I just can’t stand it! That woman was so careless and rude that made that comment to you. Ugh. And how do I deal with it? Simple- I don’t. I don’t deal well with criticism at all. I dwell on it, I feel bad about it for weeks (or years as I still feel awful about every little mistake that I made going all the way back to elementary school). I guess what I’ve been telling myself lately is that it doesn’t change my life very much <<<that judgement doesn't make or break me. Only a few people know that other person's opinion of me, so the only way that it will affect my life is if I change myself because of it. My behavior is what others see, not past comments or beliefs.
That’s a great way to think of it – why should others people’s nastiness affect your life? It doesn’t. You are the captain of your ship!
Ha, I didn’t realize people still say “No Homo” feels like that was a trend a year or two ago. Smh. It’s so crazy how some people feel like they can’t compliment another person of the same gender without thinking they are coming off as “homo”. Who cares? It baffles me.
I’m always disappointed when I read stories like yours. I wish people could just be happy for us and themselves and leave it at that.
When you fly me down for my 27th, I’m going to make you sit down on the couch while I spend an hour telling you all the ways in which you are amazing. AND YOU’RE GOING TO TAKE IT. And like it. So there. xo
Ummmm… only if it’s mutual. And only if you make some krispy-dessert.
I can actually take compliments quite well. Maybe it’s because I’m not a real girl 😉
Every time someone says “no homo” I want to punch them in the face. Annoys me so much!
My trainer says I’m a dude. I take that as a compliment. 😉
This might be one of my favorite posts!! My oldest son is different than a lot of boys his age in that he is almost 15 and still loves all things Lego, Lord of the Rings/The Hobbit, Minecraft….he is also a super caring boy and is always willing to let everyone else go in front of him in a line. He actually goes to school to learn and has several classes where the kids just spend half the time throwing paper to try and bug the teacher. I could go on and on but my point is I’m glad that he is already OK with who he is and doesn’t feel the need to fit a mold. (I know I was much older before I learned that life lesson.)
I love your poem and honesty in this post – and couldn’t agree more – we all need to stop judging others and just embrace people for who they are!!!
Oh wow, thank you SO much Kim. Good for your son! The kids that march to their own beat are the coolest. And the most successful later. 😉
I love raw snow peas as a snack but for dessert, they’d need to be chocolate covered or something…and I don’t know how that combo would be!
I’m sick of people judging too. I think people need to support and accept each other more. I can’t wait to read that pregnant body builder article!
great post!! us ladies tend to be a little harder on ourselves! I am always having a comeback answer when someone gives me a compliment.. guilty!!
I’m in the same boat when it comes to accepting compliments! And totally agree about ‘no homo’ – what a ridiculous phrase!
xx Kait
Ps. Come make breakfast for me please?
Wow, people actually say “no homo”? Not only is it judgmental/ unnecessary, it’s just kind of … ridiculous (although there’s me being judgmental, I guess). I couldn’t relate more the differences in compliments between men and women. I have no idea why, but my natural reaction is to decline/ deflect compliments from women, whereas I’m more likely to believe them by men. I actually think that blogging has been really helpful in making me more comfortable with giving and receiving compliments – I LOVE telling other bloggers that I adore their writing style, photography, or recipes (that’s you, of course!), and I also actually believe people when they say “great post!” or “good job!” or some non-descript comment that I otherwise would have blown off. OK, not going to solve the problem here so I’ll stop rambling. Sorry you’ve had to deal with those judgmental comments!
Check back… she left a comment on this post!!! She’s actually a nice lady. It completely restored my faith in women, too .:)
Awesome!!! I’m so happy to read her comment back. And I totally relate – I have said some pretty idiotic things in my life, too :).
Oh my God, best quote EVER!! Wow! And it really struck me today since I’ve been fighting with myself all week about hiding or coming clean about some stuff on the blog….end the end, it may be a little harder, but it is ALWAYS better to stay true to yourself! All that being said, I used to find it really hard to accept a compliment, but after taking a step back and thinking about it, I realized something: I give out compliments pretty regularly but I am 100% genuine in those compliments. So why would I think someone is lying to me if they give ME one?
I actually very rarely cook my snap peas! Love the crunch of the raw ones! But yeah, still no dessert…which has every right to be SCARED when I come at it! #getinmybelly #iseeyourtypo #teehee
Ahhhhmen! That was an incredibly brave post, btw. I find that talking (or writing) about problems out loud helps – it can provide clarity to have a discussion(says the girl who chases her tail A LOT). Love you!
I’m the worst at taking compliments, and I know it’s because of insecurities. I grew up in an environment where I was made fun of for being different, so a knee jerk reaction is to judge and be judged. It takes conscious effort to be open minded sometimes, but I think it’s an effort that we ALL need to make.
Because hey – what fun would it be if we were all the same!
I’m sorry you had that experience growing up. That’s really tough on a kid! And you-re right – the world would be a boring place if we were all just alike.
Yep. It’s me. Locker Room Lady, referenced above in story #2. I am writing for one purpose, and one purpose only: to APOLOGIZE. I was way out of line saying what I did – and to be 100% honest (which happens to be my goal), when Laura asked me to repeat myself, I could feel the hot flush of shame creeping across my face. So why did I even say it in the first place? I have no idea. It was about the most careless thing I’ve done in the past year. And I am sorry. I know I can’t take it back – there’s no such thing when a word has been spoken. But I can try to apply salve to the wounds my careless words caused by adding words that express my heart more accurately than a stupid phrase I happened to hear from a fellow gym-goer who had paid me a compliment. Feeling a little like the Wizard of Oz characters all put together, with no brain, no heart and no nerve, I have to admit that when the phrase was used at me, I found it offensive. So what gives me the right to say it to anyone else, ever? Okay, the most honest moment ever: maybe because it was the opposite of how I was feeling in that moment, and I was trying to cover that, and not acknowledge it. So to Laura, I am sorry. To readers of this blog who were offended by my carelessness, whether you posted about it or not, I am sorry. And thank you for teaching me to mind what I say, and more importantly how I think.
My locker room friend, I admire you SO MUCH for writing this. I have done the same thing so many times… I joke that I need a 5 second delay on my mouth. I hope you know I didn’t take offense; it just drove home a point that was already top-of-mind for me. Women have SUCH a hard time with compliments! Most men would bow up and accept a compliment in the gym (or work environment), but as women we are quick to excuse it. Same for giving. A personal example – I am (too) quick to complain if I have bad service, but I have begun making it my business to express my appreciation for good service.
I hope you are having a fabulous weekend and I look forward to seeing you all in the gym Monday!
You have so much courage to respond! We ALL do things like this and no one is perfect – but it makes it SO much better when you apologize!
I love this! The clarifications on compliments (of which I’m super guilty of) drive me nuts!! I can’t stand when I deflect a compliment or when someone does it too. I walked around all last week telling people things I loved about them. I told a customs agent in the airport in Mexico that I loved her fingernails as I ran to get frisked! It feels better to just give and take compliments, no clarifications!
I do the same thing! If you’re going to get frisked, may as well admire the scenery… 😉
maybe its your fault for being too good lookin’! hah seriously kidding, its not your fault that youre good lookin. I think its awful how hard women are on themselves in society today. i’m the number one offender when it comes to receiving a compliment, but if I have a good hairday i’ll slap a selfie up on IG, quick. why do we do this to ourselves? love this post!